Women and the Perils of Personal Branding in The Digital Age

12 Comments 03 August 2011

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The other day my mind ran across an old business acquaintance in Boston, I wanted to reconnect with them but I didn’t know their email address. I knew that this person had an online presence so I Googled their name, but nothing of value came back. All I found was an old blog post about an art exhibit they participated in years ago.

Not deterred by this I decided to run their name through LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter etc. and still nothing. At first I couldn’t understand how this person had disappeared in the information age. That’s when it dawned on me, my colleague was a female. When we last worked together she’d recently had a child and by this time must have gotten married. By virtue of changing her last name she had become invisible to anyone who knew her prior to getting married.

My wife recently received her doctorate in psychology, we are recently married and have had some heated discussions over her taking my last name. Her childhood dream was to be Dr. Clare. Seeing that she had this aspiration decades prior to our engagement, one could understand why it would be hard for her to let it go. After much back and forth we still didn’t reach a resolution, in fact while standing in line to get our marriage license we were still debating the issue. Ultimately it was never resolved, my last name is Minott and hers is Clare. (We are now considering hyphenation)

To further illustrate this point let’s take a look at a celebrity social media power couple, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. On Twitter they are known as @mrskutcher and @aplusk respectively.

Demi Moore’s original surname was ‘Demi Gene Guynes’, she first married singer/songwriter Freddy Moore in 1980. Mrs. Moore later gained fame as a soap opera actress on ABC’s General Hospital.

After divorcing Freddy Moore her next marriage was to actor Bruce Willis in 1987. By this time she was a famous actress, hence she chose to keep the last name ‘Moore’ in order to protect the personal brand she had built. After all who wants to go see a movie starring Demi Willis?

Fast forward to the present, Demi is in her third marriage to actor Ashton Kutcher. Once again she’s kept the name ‘Moore’ but adopted an alias for her online persona. On Twitter we’ve come to know her as @mrskutcher, her name change in this case allows her to express her love and commitment to Ashton without damaging her professional personal brand. Interestingly, she kept the name Demi Moore for her Facebook profile.

Being a famous actress has allowed her to navigate the waters of maintaining her image after several marriages, unfortunately your average American woman doesn’t have world renown fame on her side.

In the age of social media it is vital to for men and women to retain control over their personal brand throughout marriage and divorces. The common act of changing your last name runs the risk of making yourself blind to search engines and online contacts.

As a man I’ve never had to worry about losing my identity. Now I’ve come to understand why my wife argued so strongly to keep her name.

Photo credit: JodiWomack

You can follow me here: @KevinMinott

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http://twitter.com/nthmost Naomi Most

Congratulations, you’ve achieved what gazillions of men never do: putting yourself in the shoes of a woman and actually understanding the world from her perspective.
- http://komverse.com/ KevinMinott
  
  Hi Naomi,
  
  I finally got it. A woman’s identity should not be lost in marriage. I think all couples should have this discussion and come to an agreement that affirms each of their places in the world.
http://twitter.com/TheaBredie Theodora Bredie

A very good post and a real issue for all women who value both marriage and themselves and their childhood name. Thank you:)
http://twitter.com/socialTracyW Tracy Warren

Finally glad to see a man recognize that a women’s name is as imortant to her identity as a man’s name is his identity.
http://twitter.com/imladitee Tonya Hughes

Wow you may get man of the year award. If you keep this attitude through the entirety of your marriage you will have a very long successful marriage indeed. You get a standing ovation. I am impressed.
Vicky Thompson

I have, at times, regretted changing my name to my married name. I was known as my maiden name for most of my life. People that have known me for a long, long, time still call me by my maiden name and I still receive checks made out to my maiden name. My husband and I just celebrated our eight year anniversary, but I still miss my maiden name at times.
http://www.baxie404.com Ashley Baxter

This one is hard. Especially after you’ve already worked to create a name for yourself prior to getting married. I’ve personally given it thought and there is no way I could just drop my last name. I’d either hyphenate or go by my first name/last name/husband’s last name.
- http://komverse.com/ KevinMinott
  
  Hi Ashley,
  
  It is a difficult decision, but one that needs to be considered early out in ones career. I think using both last names is a great way to go.
http://twitter.com/CinemaProfound Sidney Peck

I applaud your insight and openness. Not many men would even take the time to consider this aspect of identity crisis that a lot of women face. Well thought out and expressed. Nice work!
- http://komverse.com/ KevinMinott
  
  Hi Sidney,
  
  It took me while to come around, buy I got it. Now I view the feminist struggle in a whole new light.
http://twitter.com/susanborst susan borst

Hi Kevin! Nice post. I did not change my name when I got married, even though I once dreamed of the day I could get rid of “Borst” My then finace and I had never discussed it, but when we were at Town Hall getting our license, I surprised even myself by asking if he minded if I kept my name. Fortunately, he was supportive. I never had to go through the “hassle” of changing my name and I can always be “found” by people who knew me before marriage, although having separate names has, on occasion, confused the IRS! (I do use my husband’s name socially, mostly for my kid’s friends and their parents, although that was more important when they were small!) Thanks again, Kevin.
- http://komverse.com/ KevinMinott
  
  My wife and I had a similar moment when filling out the marriage license. We chose to keep different last names.
  
  Every once in a while we get confused stares when signing a lease or using each others credit card. But for the most part people don’t have a problem with it.
  
  I’m happy my wife can maintain her identity.